Be Patient with Your Ex, Be Kind to Yourself, We Will Get Through This.
By Jennifer Segura
Our world is definitely seeming smaller and smaller as the days and weeks go by. We all seem to be affected by the events in 2020 – no matter which country you live in, how much money or fame you may have, no matter your race or religion. Knowing there is no escaping the trials and tribulations of 2020, maybe we can all agree to just give each other a break… some grace… or simply some peace whenever you can.
Perhaps, at some point, we will all look back and see the reason why 2020 had to be as difficult as it is, and I for one, hope it is because we come out the other end with world peace! I mean, I think we can agree… whatever it is, it best be a BIG WIN after all that is being thrown at us this year.
OK, so you are probably thinking, “how is this connected to family mediation?” Stick with me. So, I know we all tend to be hardest on those we love or those closest to us. So above, when I mention agreeing to give each other a break, that applies to EVERYONE… including… possibly your soon to be ex-spouse. These are NOT normal times. Many people who have ALWAYS worked, have been laid off without the hope of finding a new job anytime soon in their particular industry because their industry is severely impacted by the pandemic? Hotels…? Or, maybe you have young kids at home who will not be returning to school in the fall. That may affect one’s ability to return to work. There are so many nuances that may apply to your family that may or may not apply to other families. It is important to consider all aspects of the future for you and your ex-spouse and what the plan will be if there is another quarantine? If you are both working, will one of you resign and stay home? If one of you cannot find employment, what will that look like? How will that impact your agreements surrounding your separation?
It is vitally important to have patience and understanding in these uncertain times. If you are facing divorce this year, of ALL years, I can only imagine the regular stressors involved in any divorce are increased 10-fold with all of the other uncertainty in the world. Divorce shakes your foundation to begin with – so if you are facing divorce and the separation of your family – at the same time you may have lost your job – may face losing your home – and possibly your health… that is a significant amount of loss all in one year.
So dig deep and find that place inside of you that still cares for your partner, no matter what has driven you to this point in your relationship, and use it to support your willingness to be kind and patient as we (your mediators), work diligently to make your future a little brighter and your present a little calmer. We will do our absolute best to get you through this process as efficiently as we can and within a time frame that works for you and your family. All we ask in return is to try your very best to keep an open mind and be aware of how many factors may truly not be in your or your spouses’ control.
We are all navigating this new environment as best we can with the information we have. As we all know, that information changes daily and all we can do is hope that we are following the right guidance as we continue down the long and winding road. We all can only do our best, and that “best” may look different on different days of the week. We all process things in our own way, and we are all living in a reality that no one has really lived in before (at least no one who is still alive today). If nothing else, just take a few deep breaths before having emotional conversations and take breaks when you need them. It is OK to take things slower than usual…you will get there.
Do you have questions about child support or need a support modification due to a change in employment? Contact San Diego Family Mediation Center at (858) 736-2411 today. We can schedule a FREE consultation for you to discuss your particular situation.