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San Diego Family Mediation Center

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Speaking Positively About Your Spouse Benefits You

Anyone who has been in a divorce understands the tendency to speak badly about the other person. Maybe they were unfaithful or lied about something important. Perhaps they completely changed from when you first got married. They may have said some very hurtful things to you. These are all valid reasons to not feel like they deserve their praise. However, when you change your inner and outer dialogue about your spouse, things can get better for YOU.

Positive Thinking Increases Your Health

It isn’t well-known why thinking in a more positive manner makes you more healthy, but research shows consistently that it does. According to the Mayo Clinic, people who exhibited positive thought processed experienced a myriad of health benefits, including:

  • Increased life span
  • Lower rates of depression
  • Lower levels of distress
  • Greater resistance to the common cold
  • Better psychological and physical well-being
  • Better cardiovascular health and reduced risk of death from cardiovascular disease
  • Better coping skills during hardships and times of stress

We know it is easier said than done when it comes to thinking positively. This is especially true when you are in the middle of a high-conflict divorce.

Steps on How to Change Your Dialogue

First, you need to identify the harmful speech before you can change it. Next time you mention your ex, stop yourself. Think about the words that you are about to say. Instead of using a negative term, try to think of a different way to describe what you are going to say. For example, turn “My ex was a lying witch.” turns into “My ex was very creative with her speech.” While you are saying the same thing, the first statement elicits anger, while the second statement is humorous and light-hearted.

Once you begin changing the way you say things, turn your thought process towards the future instead of dwelling on the past. For example, “My ex and I had a terrible relationship.” could turn into, “I am hoping me and my ex can create a better co-parenting relationship in the future.” Small changes in how we describe ourselves and those in our lives can make a real difference in how you feel.

We guarantee by implementing these small changes, you will see a positive impact in your own life.

Do you need to speak with a family mediator? Contact San Diego Family Mediation Center at (858) 736-2411 today to schedule your free consultation.