San Diego Family Mediation Center

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Dear Life, Who Am I?

After any major shift in your life, your identity comes into question. Some shifts are happy, the transition from single to married or person to parent. We often attach part of our ‘being’ to the title or status that we put upon ourselves. This is apparent especially when a title is ripped, often involuntarily from ourselves. Most commonly, from married to divorced.

It is in these moments that you must re-assess how you view your self-identity. After a divorce, many people embark on journeys of self-realization and exploration. “I knew who I was as a wife or husband, but who am I now? How do I want to move forward?” and how you handle that question can impact your life and future relationships.

Shifting the Focus

It is so easy to shift your identity into something else within your life. I see some friends and family members pour themselves into their career, some become obsessed with the gym, others find new hobbies. These are great distractions and are often healing in their own way. However, at the core of things, you need to address the big question of “Who am I, with all these titles aside?”

You are much more than your career. You are much more than your hobbies. Who are you at the core of your being? How do you get to a point where what you do doesn’t dictate who you are?

How Do I Begin?

I find the best way to re-discover yourself is through hard-work and reflection of why you do the things that you do. Some people can get these answers through daily meditation. Others find that journaling can be a great way to reflect on a deeper understanding of one’s self. The key is to take the time to really think about the motivations behind your actions. Think about your emotions and why you may be feeling a certain way. Getting into a habit of mindfulness is the key to understanding yourself more. 

This isn’t an easy task, and don’t expect to have an answer in the short-term. Re-discovering yourself is a journey. Enjoy the ride.