San Diego Family Mediation Center

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Why Women Ask for a Divorce 

Why Women Initiate Divorce

Why & How Women Ask for a Divorce

Due to the topic at hand, this blog relates primarily to heterosexual couples, although, there is surely some truth to the difference between spouses in same-sex marriages as well. But why do women initiate? How do you ask for a divorce?

It is often thought that men, more often than women, are the ones who ask for a divorce. This is simply not true. Statistically, women are the initiators in a divorce 70% of the time. There are numerous studies as to why this may be, but as a professional that sits in the room with couples going through a divorce on a daily basis, I wanted to share my opinion as to why this may be the case. Ah-hum… men, you may want to pay attention to this.

Different Love Languages

Women and men experience marital happiness, specifically LOVE, in very different ways. If you have not read the Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, do it… now… I’ll wait…

…done? Ok, so let’s move on. In the event you did not read the book, or take the all-telling quiz at the back of the book, you may still not understand that just because YOU (I am talking to the majority of men here) feel loved when your wife gives you physical attention. Whether it is a kiss, a hug, or any other physical touch. However, 99% of the time, that is NOT how your wife may feel love. What this means is that you may think you are giving your wife signs you love her, because you are showering her with physical touch. That is your love language, not hers. Her love tank is not full. Instead, your wife may feel loved when you clean the kitchen for her, or if you buy her a gift. That may be her love language.

If you continue trying to fill her love tank with the wrong substance, you are not getting anywhere. This is why men are often so shocked when their wife asks for a divorce. The male partner believes he has been so loving and thought she was happy. Instead, she is feeling unloved and alone because her husband does not know how to fill up her love tank. Then she will figure out how to ask for a divorce. Don’t let it get to that and try to understand her love language.

Now, this may be just one of the many reasons why a woman initiates a divorce. What do you think? Did you initiate your divorce or know someone who has? Share your story.