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Don’t Use Your Child as a Messenger

San Diego divorce

By Rachel Vanni

This seems like one of the most practical things to not do during a San Diego divorce, but it is something that we see quite often. Children being stuck passing messages from parent to parent. This is primarily an issue with older children, who parents feel are older, more mature, and can handle passing information back and forth. This puts incredible stress on any child, younger or older, and is a big no-no in divorce.

Children Internalize Conflict

Whenever a message is received poorly by one parent, the child will internalize it as their fault. So while the person who was relaying the message, may not intend it to cause additional conflict, it can be perceived that way. This puts your child in a very lose-lose situation. Not only do they have the pressure to tell the other parent something accurately, but if they do get it wrong, or it is something the other parent doesn’t want to hear, it can cause a lot of inner turmoil. Don’t put your child in that position in the first place.

Numerous Ways to Communicate

Parents often relay messages through their child as a way to communicate without direct contact. However, technology has progressed to a point where there are numerous ways to communicate passively, with little or no vocal contact. A shared list or Google calendar is a great way to share objective information about schedules. Texting works for many couples as a fast and direct way to stay in touch. However, many people appreciate setting ground rules for texting to keep conflict at bay. Whatever way you choose, there are several options to communicate with each other during your San Diego divorce, without your child getting stuck in the middle.

Are you in the middle of a San Diego divorce and need help with your parenting plan? Contact San Diego Family Mediation at (858) 736-2411 today!