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San Diego Family Mediation Center

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Why don’t you believe me?

What surprises me most in  my profession is the amount of people who think I am just making stuff up…I mean, it doesn’t happen often, but when it does, I just cannot understand why my clients do not believe me?  What could they possibly think I have to gain in their case? OK, let me be more specific…I have a client who thinks I am biased towards his wife because I will not agree that she should be punished for having an affair.  While most people know this already, I will repeat it again…CALIFORNIA IS A NO FAULT STATE! Literally, this means that your soon-to-be ex could have had an affair once a year, on your anniversary, with your brother, in your martial bed…it doesn’t matter!  I mean, in the grand scheme of life it will matter somewhere, it will bring bad karma at the very least, but in the walls of the court room, it is IRRELEVANT!  So, I BEG of you, if you come into mediation seeking “justice” or to “right a wrong” be prepared to walk-away unsatisfied.  Actually, if you come to mediation OR go through litigation, do not expect the wrongs in the marriage to be made right.  It will not happen.  It cannot happen.  Especially by a Judge.  There are rules, laws and boundaries that a Judge must follow.  If you are hoping to gain any “extras” for the bad behavior of your spouse, you are more likely to find it in mediation than in litigation – BUT – you probably wont find it here either.  The reality is this…even if your spouse DID have an affair, there had to be something wrong in the marriage to begin with.  People do not “cheat” if they are in a happy marriage.  Something was missing…you had each begun to take each other for granted, or perhaps it was an issue that was always present, but the blindness of new love covered it up for a while.  Whatever it is, it is NOT worth the time and heartache (not to mention the money) to keep fighting to seek justice.  There is NEVER justice in family court (or mediation).  The best we can hope for is that we can help you both reconcile the past and start fresh on a promising future.  Do not waste your future rehashing the past – life is short – enjoy it while its here.