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San Diego Family Mediation Center

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Divorce Is Not a Personal Failure

While it is much more acceptable to talk about divorce than it was a few decades ago, it still has this weird taboo feeling around it. Even after the pain starts to fade away from the initial shock of divorce, people are almost embarrassed to discuss it. Let me repeat this for those who need to hear it: Your divorce is not a personal failure. Do not feel ashamed. People get divorced for a myriad of reasons, none of them shameful.

  • Sometimes there is infidelity that rocks the foundation of trust. Your partner’s infidelity is not a reflection of you, it is a reflection of them.
  • Sometimes it is a failure to communicate that perpetuates for a length of time that becomes irreparable. Could you have communicated better? Perhaps. But that wouldn’t have changed your spouse’s ability to communicate better. It must come from both sides.
  • Sometimes people simply grow apart. You were both two people who tried their best, and it just didn’t work.

Loss Triggers Growth

Your divorce will feel like a loss. You may go through a whole process of grief, and that is totally normal and expected. Make sure that you use this loss to grow. You will not be the same person, you will transform, and that is the beautiful part of experiencing loss. If you feel as though you are having a difficult time moving from grief, consult with a licensed therapist. They can provide insight and tools on how to move forward gracefully.

Perspective Is Everything

Don’t keep believing that your divorce is a personal failure. Instead, work on framing the end of your marriage in a positive way. If you are amicable, think about all the happy times you shared as a couple, and how you can both support each other in an appropriate way as you progress in life. Think about all the new possibilities you will be open to now as a single person. If you are co-parenting, think about that role and how you can still be active and supportive of each other as parents. When you start to look at your divorce in a more positive manner, your reality will also become more positive.

If you are contemplating divorce and would like to move forward amicably, contact San Diego Family Mediation Center. Call (858) 736-2411 today for more information and to schedule a free consultation.